Drowning
by DarkToLight
Summary: Don't you walk away from me!" I demanded.' But even being near him was enough to crush her. -UlquiorraxTatsuki- -Altered canon- -1st person, Tatsuki POV- -LOVE THE CRACK!-


**Boo**

Contrary to my profile, THIS has appeared.

And what, exactly, is 'this', you ask? Why, this is UlquiorraxTatsuki. Kind of.

CRACK. AHAHAHA I LOVES IT.

Warning: This screws with the canon quite considerably. So sue me.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, its characters, or locations and I make no money from this story.

This was written on "Requiem for a Dream" from the Two Towers (LotR) soundtrack. Oh boy oh boy.

Reviews loved and appreciated ^^

**Drowning**

_[Just being near him was too much]_

I'd waited for them for a long time.

Ichigo and the others, I mean. They disappeared, without word or warning. They gave excuses, but I knew them to be exactly that – excuses, lies, not the truth.

I wanted to know where they went.

I'd had the spiritual sense for a long time, maybe longer than any of the others except Ichigo. I'd been seeing ghosts for a few years. Been seeing Hollows when they appeared – although I didn't know that they were called that. I only really got the whole truth after one of them attack me and Orihime after school.

When they came back, I knew it still wasn't Ichigo, not all the time. When it _was_ him, he was sullen, thoughtful, brooding, not the same. And strange people would turn up to our class, looking for him.

But the first hint I had to how terrifying this other world, the world of souls and half-souls and what my friends had become, came one month after the strange people stopped showing up, and Ichigo hadn't been Ichigo.

* * *

It was like a meteorite hitting the earth. But what surprised me was not the initial impact, but the crushing feeling that came after, like I was being pulled under water, under pressure, like I was suddenly unable to breathe, was drowning in air.

I saw them. I was the only one of my group that saw them, and was the only one that survived, I think because of that.

And that was the time I first saw _him_.

He was pale, too pale to be human; his skin was as white as the first snow, marred only by thin green lines that traced down his face from his eyes, that made him look like he was crying. His voice was soft, deep, lyrical, but utterly without compassion or feeling when he spoke. I could only stare, stare in so absorbed a fashion I did not see the hole through his neck until after he had decided I was trash and could be disposed of.

A Hollow. But how could a Hollow have a face? It seemed that I was the only one, still, who did not understand, as Orihime, Chad and finally Ichigo rushed in to save me, only to be saved themselves.

I watched him as he stepped through the sky.

* * *

"I want to go with you," I told Ichigo. "I want to help you fight." Ichigo seemed surprised.

"What? You can't, Tatsuki, you don't have anything like the power they do!" He protested. I narrowed my eyes, and swiftly had him in an arm lock that had him pleading for mercy.

"Ow! Tats! That won't work against Arrancar!" He protested.

"So that's what they're called," I murmured, releasing him. "Please. I want to go – I _have_ to go. I'm sick of being left behind!" Ichigo rubbed the back of his head, thinking.

"I don't want to put you in any danger," he replied. "These things, they're dangerous, more dangerous than anything we've ever fought before."

"That's a really good comparison for someone who's never fought _anything_," I pointed out bitterly.

"Exactly," Ichigo replied. "You're not ready, Tatsuki. You're not meant to fight." I grabbed him by the front of his shirt.

"I'm not 'meant' to fight?" I repeated. "What gives you the right to just write me off like that? What if I _want_ to fight? You're letting Orihime fight!"

"I'd rather she didn't, though," he replied, and I let go of him. "If you have a power, fight! But you don't. You can see them, but you can't do anything." He turned away. "I'm sorry, Tatsuki."

"It's not up to you to say sorry," I muttered as he walked away.

* * *

For a month, I watched the ghosts get more afraid, watched the Hollows appear, and trained, trying desperately to discover something, _anything_ inside myself that would mean I could help them fight. That would mean I could see the human-Hollow – the Arrancar – again. Even if, just by being close to him, I felt like I was drowning.

I managed to scare the ghosts away with my kicks, which I suppose was something, and I went after the Hollows, but there was always someone else there first, someone who dismissed me as though I couldn't see them. People who ignored me, the way I had always been ignorfed.

* * *

"Hey! Hey! You, the short one with the funky white hair! Wait right there!" I demanded fiercely after one such occasion. He paused.

"Are you talking to me?" He asked, not turning around. I folded my arms.

"Yes, I am," I confirmed. "Don't you walk away from me."

"My name is not 'the short one with the funky white hair'," he informed me coldly. "If you are going to call me anything, you will address me as 'Captain Hitsugaya', got it?"

"Look at me when I'm talking to you," I replied, "and I might." He turned around, one hand resting on his sword, an unimpressed look on his face.

"It is not wise to antagonise Hollows when you are powerless," he informed me. "So do not try in future. Stay well away, if you can see them." I shook my head.

"I don't _want_ to be powerless!" I protested. "Help me… Captain Hitsugaya. Please!" He made an amused noise.

"You don't even know what I am," he replied dismissively, turning away.

"I do, Soul Reaper!" I shot back. "Help me. Make me strong! Like Ichigo, and Orihime, and Chad…" He paused, then suddenly drew his sword and shot at me like lightning. I cried out in surprise, automatically raising my hand in the sword-block motion of Tai Chi, swinging one leg up. He dodged – how did he move so fast?! – and I struck out with one hand as he swung his sword in an arc.

"Ha!" He exclaimed. "You're nothing. Bankai!" I raised my hands to protect my face as ice seemed to come from nowhere, and before I knew it his sword was at my neck, my breath misting in front of my face in the cold. "If you cannot even defend against me when my power is limited, we have nothing left to discuss," he told me coldly, as cold as the ice which encased him. My anger flared. Just like everyone else, he dismissed me, thought me nothing, threw me aside.

"I am strong," I hissed. He made a querying noise, and I slammed a hand down into the ground. He was thrown backwards by the force of whatever I had done, and I saw one of the ice petals above him shatter into pieces. He got to his feet, clearly surprised.

"Perhaps there is more to you than it at first seems, but you are still nothing," he remarked.

"Then make me strong!" I insisted. He made a slight noise, sheathing his sword as the ice cracked around him.

"I have other things to supervise, but I will ask my Lieutenant if she will oblige you," he replied, turning away. "But do not try to chase Hollows in your current state. Trust me, it will not help." I watched him walk away, and wondered how someone so young could be so strong.

* * *

I answered a knock at the door to find the strawberry-blonde woman who had been a part of the group that had stormed our class one day there.

"Um… Hello?" I replied uncertainly. She beamed.

"Hello!" She replied, crushing me in a hug. "I'm Rangiku." She let me go, and I rubbed my head, wondering if she was entirely sane. "My Captain said you wanted training, and I figured this was easier than trying for Bankai, so what do you say? Up for it?"

"You work under the short kid?" I repeated, confused. "Huh…"

"He's my Captain," she confirmed brightly, producing what looked like a packet of candy and swallowing one. There were suddenly two of her, one in a kimono and one not, and I looked from one to the other in confusion. "You can go and do something useful," she instructed the her that had been there before, and she nodded and sped off.

"…What…?" I asked, but she steered me outside before I could finish the question.

"This is the real me, that's just a body Soul Reapers use when they're in this world," she explained. "So other people can see us. We use substitute souls when we want to be in our proper selves, to save questions."

"…Right…" I replied, not really understanding. She drew her sword.

"Now, I don't have Bankai like my Captain, but he says you're pretty weak so that's ok," she remarked cheerfully. I took up a fighting stance, determined, at least, to prove that bratty little kid wrong.

* * *

I trained for two weeks under Rangiku; trying to bring out my apparently latent powers, until eventually her Captain turned up and challenged me once more. When I managed to hold out against his Bankai, he took over my training, telling Rangiku that if she didn't start her own pretty soon he wouldn't be happy.

* * *

"What's the difference between your power and hers?" I asked once. He sheathed his sword.

"There are three levels of power for a Soul Reaper," he responded. "The first is this basic state that I am in now, that is what most Soul Reapers fight like." I nodded. "The second is the first release of the zanpaku-to – the sword. This is called the Shikai." He drew his own sword once more. "The sword is released by chanting a command and saying its name – unless you are Kenpachi or Ichigo…" He frowned slightly. "Reign over the frozen sky! Hyorinmaru!" Ice exploded around him once more, and I got ready to fight, just in case. "This is Shikai," he explained. "It is a requirement to become a seated officer in the Court Guard Squads, and many never even achieve this."

"And you're the Captain of one of these Squads?" I asked. He nodded.

"There is a further requirement to become a Captain, and that is to have reached the final stage of release – Bankai. That is what Rangiku does not have, and the form I use when I fight you, understood?" I nodded.

"So it's normal, Shikai, Bankai, in increasing order of power," I recited. "And what about the Hollows?" He twitched.

"Bankai," he stated, and the ice exploded out from him once more. "You will not be fighting Hollows." He launched himself at me, and I dodged and launched energy at him. "You will be fighting Arrancar. They are much stronger!" I spread my hands to form a defensive barrier as icicles shot out at me. "They are Hollows which have removed their masks – and the highest class of Hollow, at that!" I jumped forwards and launched a kick at him as he flew above me. "Menos! Gillians, Adjuchas, Vasto Lordes! With the powers of Soul Reapers!" I grabbed a petal of ice and shattered it in my hands, and he cut a thin gash down my arm. I fell back to the floor, panting, and he regarded me with a strange look in his eyes. "You must be able to stand up against them. They will not be aiming only to wound. They will be aiming to kill!" I did a quick twisting jump as he scythed down with his blade, jumped over the ice tail of his Bankai, and kicked one of his wings. It cracked down the middle, and he turned to face me. "Do you think you are ready?" He demanded.

"I do," I confirmed. He smiled slightly.

"Then I will not hold back," he responded. "If you can stay alive for longer than ten minutes, I will agree that you are ready."

And so, we fought.

* * *

"Ichigo!" I demanded, knocking viciously on the door to his house. "Iiiichiiigooo!" He opened the door and looked at me.

"Oh," he remarked. "Tatsuki." I narrowed my eyes.

"I don't want the mod soul, I want Ichigo," I demanded, knowing now how to tell them apart. His eyes widened, and he looked around nervously.

"Look, don't say that around his sisters, ok?" He demanded in a hissed whisper. "Ichigo's training. I'll get Rukia to take him a message."

"Tell him I'm helping," I dictated. "Whether he likes it or not." Not-Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"Alright… But don't come running to me if he doesn't like it," he replied, closing the door.

Now, I only had to wait.

* * *

I felt him again a few days later. It was not crushing, like before, but it was still heavy, heavier than I was sure I could handle.

I went anyway.

Ichigo was there, bleeding but standing, and a blue-haired Arrancar I didn't know, but it was only him I was there for.

"We are leaving," he remarked.

"Wait!" I demanded. Ichigo turned to me in horror.

"Tatsuki, no!" He exclaimed. "He's too strong for you!" I clenched my fists.

"Shut up, Ichigo," I demanded, taking a step forward. He raised his head to look at me, appraising me with those eyes of his, those deep green eyes, slitted like a cat's, devoid of almost everything.

"You think you can fight me?" He responded. "Incorrect. You are trash." He turned away, the blue-haired one growling angrily with one hand over his bloody stomach, and I narrowed my eyes and ran at him.

He caught my hand in his without turning around. My eyes widened in surprise. I had expected him to be cold, skin as cool as the snow it emulated, but he was warm, just as warm as a human.

"Fool," he remarked. "You are nothing." I made an angry noise and grabbed his fist.

"Don't walk away from me," I demanded. "That's all anyone ever does!" Ichigo, at least, had the decency to look guilty at that comment.

"Because you are weak," he responded. "Release me, or I will be forced to end your life."

"Do it, Ulquiorra," Grimmjow taunted. "You never kill anyone. You're weak. Weak!" Ulquiorra turned to look at him, and he narrowed his eyes. "Pathetic," he spat, as Ulquiorra jerked his hand from my grip.

"You wish to fight me, woman?" He asked.

"Tatsuki," I corrected. He raised an eyebrow. "My name is Tatsuki!" He looked from me, to Ichigo, to Grimmjow and the other boy who had been in our class for a while – Shinji.

"You are not at my level yet," he informed me coldly. "When you present something of a challenge, I shall consider fighting you. But it does not do for the weak to challenge the strong simply because they think they can. Know your limits. Otherwise you will die."

He walked back through the sky, and I was left watching as they walked away, just like every other time that had gone before.

* * *

"Make me stronger!" I demanded of Hitsugaya when I caught up with him once more. He turned to look at me.

"My power now is five times more than what it was last we fought," he remarked. "DO you believe you can challenge that?"

"I do," I confirmed. He shrugged.

"Then try."

* * *

My argument with Ichigo over my inclusion in the mission to rescue Orihime was heated and explosive, and cumulated with me slamming him into a wall with my bare hands, leaving him looking rather afraid. He let me go, but it was clear that he was still unwilling.

* * *

Rather than look for Orihime, although I felt somewhat guilty about abandoning her, I searched for _him_. For Ulquiorra.

"Fight me!" I demanded of him. "Don't turn your back on me!" He paused.

"I have not been given permission to fight," he responded levelly, not turning around.

"Look at me!" I demanded. "Don't treat me like I'm nothing." He sighed, then, slowly, turned around to face me.

The spiritual pressure forced me to my knees, so intense, so dark was it. He walked over to me, kneeling so that he was at my level.

"I treat you like you are nothing because you _are _nothing, Tatsuki," he responded. I made a surprised noise – he had remembered my name. "By all rights, I should eliminate you where you attempt to stand." I made a choked noise – I could hardly breathe. I was drowning again. Drowning in air. "But that would be a waste." He stood, and I looked up at him, willing myself to stand, to prove to him that I was more than a weak human, I was worthy. Slowly, painfully, I forced myself onto one foot. He regarded me with a distinct lack of amusement. "Come back when you are strong, woman, and I will fight you," he told me once more, turning and walking away.

Again.

* * *

"Ulquiorra!" I screamed at the top of my voice, stood outside Las Noches, in the desert, sands swirling around my feet. "Ulquiorra!" Black spiritual pressure, so heavy it was almost solid, had exploded from the top of the building. "COME DOWN AND FIGHT _ME_, ULQUIORRA!" I clenched my fists. Why? Why was I never enough? Why could _I_ not be the one?

I was surprised when he landed in front of me, the ground almost shaking simply under the force of his very being. But I stood tall, determined, meeting the demon bat with my head held high.

"So you stand," he remarked. "I am surprised. I forced Ichigo to his knees."

"Fight me," I demanded. He shook his head.

"No, Tatsuki," he responded. "I will not fight you. At no point will I fight you. I will not do this because I would kill you." He glanced back up at the dome. "Your friends are all still alive. Go back with them. Leave. Do not come looking for fights you cannot win."

"You don't know!" I exclaimed. "You don't know how long I've watched people walk away from me! Just _fight me_!" Electricity crackled in his hands as a lance of it formed seemingly from nowhere.

"You cannot hope to win," he observed. I clenched my fists.

"I saw you," I muttered. "That first day. Just being near you made me feel like I was drowning. You felt nothing. You told me I was nothing. You said to my face what everyone else had been thinking for years. Always I was the useless one, the one who got left behind! IT'S NOT FAIR!" He walked over to me, his face querying.

"Ichigo said I had become more human," he murmured. "Perhaps you have become more Hollow." I tried to force the tears away. "You despair, don't you?" I closed my eyes.

"I am always left behind," I murmured. "Because I'm not strong enough. I just… Wanted to prove that I _am_ strong."

"You can stand," he remarked. "That is proof enough of your strength. Be content with your life. It is more than many of us will leave with." He turned away.

"Ulquiorra!" I started, my anger seething with energy. "Don't you dare go back up there!"

"It is not yet finished," he responded. I shook my head.

"Then let it end here," I offered.

"I will kill you," he stated, still not turning. I glared.

"No," I disagreed, "you won't. I won't let you. Just don't go back up there." He made a noise which sounded almost like a laugh.

"It sounds as though you care for my wellbeing," he remarked. "How strange." I looked away, not that he would know. For almost two months I had trained, grown, incited these powers in myself, all to prove myself to him. Not to Ichigo, not to Hitsugaya, not even to myself. To prove myself to him. Because as he had stood there, eyes cold, voice soft, and declared me nothing, he had changed me.

He was the first person to say it in words. The only one who had ever dared say it to my face. And even though I had been nothing to him then, as my power grew, every time he turned and walked away so he didn't have to kill me.

His skin was still pale white, his wings and fur now stark black to contrast, the horns making him more of a devil than an angel. But I had made my choice.

"I do," I whispered. He paused, turned to face me, lance disappearing in his hand.

"You do?" He repeated. "Why? Is it because of this thing you humans call a heart?" I sighed.

"Maybe," I admitted. "But I don't want you to go back up there. I don't want you to turn your back on me any more. Is that ok? Can you understand at least that?" He frowned.

"More human…" He murmured. "If this is what it means to understand… If this is the thing that the woman calls a heart…" He shook his head. "I do not understand… I _cannot_ understand…" I held out my hand, and he regarded it with confusion.

"It doesn't have to be a heart," I told him. "It could just be a wish. A want. A need. But I won't let you turn your back on me again. Even if I have to hold you down to stop you." He spread his wings – beautiful, black wings – and the lightning disappeared in his hand.

"You couldn't hold me down," he informed me, looking up at where he had jumped down from as bright light exploded from it. "…Hmph," he muttered, but I grabbed his wrist before he could leave.

"Stay," I hissed. "Or I will hold you down." He turned back once more, looking at where my hand touched his arm, and slowly removed it. I did not flinch away from his claws; I met his eyes with defiance and determination.

"You are not afraid," he realised. "You mean what you say. You would fight me. You do not think you would die. Just to stop me from going back up there."

"Yes," I agreed. "I would. So don't even try." He made an amused noise – it was _definitely_ an amused noise. He felt more now, he was no longer cold. Was that Orihime's doing? It wouldn't surprise me.

"Why?" He asked. He seemed truly at a loss. "I have done nothing for you."

"Wrong," I disagreed. "You gave me a reason to become strong. I wanted to be able to stand up without you crushing me. I wanted to be able to breathe around you without drowning in air. I wanted to be stronger, so you would not walk away and brush me off."

"You wanted to be my equal?" He reworded.

"I wanted to be closer to you," I replied. "To be able to stand next to you."

"Well, you are," he pointed out. "Well done. You have achieved your aim. Now let me go." I looked down, to where his hand was still wrapped around my arm. I wasn't stopping him. I looked up at where he had come from, at his face, his white, now emotional, face, and shook my head. I reached up with my spare hand – he simply watched me – and touched his face. Still warm, still full of life.

"You are not going back up there," I informed him. "Instead, you are coming with me." He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Very well," he agreed, sounding hard-done-by. "I shall do as you wish."

We walked away.

* * *

**A/N - **Do you like the crack? Well do you? Let me know what you think ^^

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